The article contained a picture slideshow of the very best things about being single, replete with exclamation points. Not shaving your legs! Having the remote all to yourself! Sleeping in the middle of the bed! Flirting with attractive people and nobody getting jealous! Basically all the bliss of getting to do whatever you want when you want to!
Let me take a second to clarify what I'm about to say.
These are all great perks, but I mean,
NONE OF THEM ARE F***ING WORTH IT.
That's right, no amount of remotes, flirting, hairy legs and getting to fart and snore without pissing anyone off is worth the BONE-CRUSHING, SOUL-CORRODING LONELINESS of being all alone when you're really dying to be with someone, have someone to LOVE, someone to hold, someone to cook candlelit dinners with and many, many nights of SEX.
Truthfully, life holds few pleasures greater than those experienced in a happy relationship, and they're mostly limited to adopting orphans or saving kittens from fires, things that can't be experienced on a daily basis.
The trouble is, I share the fate of every divorced person on the planet facing a deficit of dating potential. When I was first divorced, I made my way through my single male acquaintances like a determined little wrecking ball, only to become so hopeless at the lack of relationship possibility, I wrapped myself around the first man who seemed to have a shred of it, and refused to let go.
Now that I've unwrapped myself, I'm feeling the simultaneous joy and pain of letting go of the wrong relationship. During the loneliest nights, my mind goes back to the time I thought this guy could actually be the One, before I knew what I know now. Wasn't that one of the most blissful times of my life? Newly divorced, my life fallen to pieces, but falling in love with this brand new person who promised to build an entirely new life with me?
And now I'm single. And I'm slowly but surely starting to enjoy it. It's not because I don't have to be on a diet now, or I can stumble into the house at 4 AM after a night out, or my legs have remained unshaven for two months. It's because being free of the wrong relationship is worth it, no matter how good it felt to be with someone. Being free of the constant questioning of remaining in something that feels wrong, the insecurity of knowing the other person is questioning it too, the all-consuming dread that they'll move on while you're still holding on.
What are the perks of singleness that really are better than the perks of a relationship?
For me, it's the freedom to embrace a new journey toward happiness, that doesn't depend on anyone but myself. The freedom to honestly face what I feel, and change the circumstances that need changing without waiting on someone else to work with me. When I walk or drive, I'm no longer stuck in that cluttered mental space, going over the same negative thoughts. I can see the world around me again, and it's looking brighter than it did a month ago.
Being in love is a beautiful thing. Meeting new people with that all-elusive potential is an exciting thing.
But not having any of that, yet watching the unthinkable happen - watching your powers of self-given happiness growing, and watching your heart and mind evolving into a muscled-up version of themselves - that's also a beautiful, exciting thing.
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